Roommate Ivor just woke me up in three ways: his car coming up the driveway, the tapping on all six of my windows, and his ringtone.
"SHOTS SHOTS SH-SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SH-SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS EVERYBODY! The ladies love us, when we pour shots...
They need an excuse, to suck our..."
Me: Are you locked out?
Me: Let me dress first.
So I stumble upstairs and quietly unlock the door because our other roommate Ross was also asleep. We kept our voices to loud whispers.
Ivor: Did y'all drink tonight?
Me: Yes, do the empty beer bottles and bomb shot glasses not give it away? How was Anchorage?
Ivor: Good, I was banging this chick from eleven until about forty-five minutes ago.
Me: I thought you drove to town to hang out with your buddy because your mutual friend just drowned in a lake.
Ivor: I did, then I hooked up with the girl I've been texting. [pauses] Does that make me a slut?
Ivor: At least I'm safe. [pulls out Trojans]
Me: That's the important part.